I'm the arrow.. Shot straight to hell..

2008-02-13T12:53:00.000-08:00

I love you Sebastian! ^^ <3 YAY!

So.. I went to Arizona last week.. It was AMAZING! The drive down kinda sucked cause everyone was going 40mph... Cause there was a bunch of snow.. So it dragged me down to make the drive down longer than it needed to be.. =/ I almost hit the back of a semi too.. x.x; Scary! Stupid ice.. Oh well. =D I'm still alive. XD

Got to Sebi sama and met up at Denny's again! ^^ YAY! Stayed at motel 8.. Ended up talking his ear off for awhile.. LOL Then I passed out.. >>; Went to the movies saw The Eye and Cloverfield.. o.o Good movies. =D The camera guy was funny in Cloverfield. The eye was like O_O! But yeah.. ^^; He had to work all the days I was there but just spending the evenings.. I felt like a housewife! LOL Cause I would somewhat straighten up the room and just wait for him to come "home" and stuff. It was sweet. Apparently he got used to it to. lol

Then I had to hang out in the barracks for a day. I slept most of it cause I was just like. *dies* And we were worried someone would come by and check the rooms or something.. o.o; So even then I was too worried to sleep. XD He came home and we went to Days Inn that night.. Days Inn has some memories. Pretty damn awesome memories!! <3 And yeah.. =D And the other place we stayed the next night has some GREAT memories too! XD He is so sweet! ^^ I love him so much.. Miss him too x.x;

Then I had to leave the next morning.. v.v; Poor Sebi Sama.. Had to deal with me crying and stuff.. T_T I cried a lot of the way home but.. It was okay.. I got home.. Cried some more and was pissed cause I got home at a decent hour.. Thought I should have stayed another day.. Then passed out literally at midnight. Cried the next morning.. Hung out with Chris and Rosemary. Went to work Sunday.. Then as of Sunday night...

I AM ENGAGED!

Yes yes.. I am excited! ^^ Nothing can bring me down for like.. A long ass time.. ^^ I've been incredibly happy the past 3 days.. =D Hung out with Annies and Megus and Rosemary on Monday and ate at Applebees. =D Annie is mah photographer and stuffs.. =D So.. I'm just excited! I'm going back to Arizona in May. =D Mini Vacation again! YAY! ^^ Then sometime in the fall of 2009.. I will be Mrs. Sebastian Recalde! ^^ YAY! I'm so freaking happy. =D

I CAN NOT WAIT! <3

2008-01-07T23:02:00.000-08:00

I think I should make it a point to update this thing some more.. o_O; But.. It's not private really. But no one really checks it anyways.

Sebastian and I = Relationship as of December. We're being smart. We're moving slow. The most we have done is kiss. ^^ And it was the best kiss ever! ^_^ He doesn't live here yet, which is sad. He is in the Marines. So I went to Arizona to visit him. =D Wonderful mini-vacation. ^^ I have a feeling this will be a nice long lasting relationship and that it could progress further. ^_^ So that is happy news.

I work at a hospital now. It's amazing. =D I'm back in school from Winter break.. x.x; Sad. But oh well. I'm taking Sociology, Health, and Psychology. Should be fun. =) Health should be a piece of cake.. @_@ Hopefully. I mean I just took the A&P sequence.. o_O; Should be easy. So. yeah. =D Gonna try to figure out how to Apply for Nursing and Respiratory Therapy.. Take some computer classes next term. =) That should be fun. Go to the counseling center and have them help me do the Fafsa thing for me now that I live alone.. @_@ Maybe get some money for school if I get into a program this year.. =) Anywho. That's all..

2007-04-28T15:25:00.001-07:00

I want to die.. Can I die now? Please? Kthnx Bai..

2007-03-20T02:34:00.000-07:00

Yay! A new cute layout! By someone from Creatblog.. They are credited underneath it.. since I didn't change anything but the alignment in the bottom box... But yeah. Just thought I'd post that. lol

2007-03-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

Word.. Blogger is with Google now? Cool..

Lots since my last post...

August - Rosemary and Cole broke up...

October was a horrible month equaling the end of Ronald and I. Broke up all because he stayed at Laura's house when he had absolutely no reason to. We lived 5 seconds apart from her house.. he could have walked his happy ass home at 5 in the morning. He just didn't want to be with me and you knew it. So I kicked his ass out after he kept staying the night there instead of talking it out and he moved in with her and Mike.

November was a great bad month with KJ and I getting together. Ronald and I both finding out we're fucking other people so soon already. His person being Laura.. The person who said at least once everytime we hung out on how him and I shouldn't be together and that she didn't and never will like him.

December was okay... Went to Gold Beach with KJ. Met the love of his life... Annie. She is awesome. Met his best friend Nick. He was hot. Yea.. Felt like a third wheel the whole time I was there..

January KJ broke up with me at the end of the month... Cause he was telling people he wanted to break up while avoiding me, instead of telling me, over Myspace. Pulling a Nathanael.. Dyed my hair black and cut it short. Brokedown over Ronald and him. Never really had time to cry over Ronald. Found out that Laura proposed to him and he said yes. Got pissed because we were together for a year when I started talking about it and he thought I had issues on wanting getting married and he fucking said yes to her after 2 fucking months. Always talked about punching me in the stomach if I ever got pregnant with his baby, yet she has a kid and she wants his fucking baby and he has no problems. Always called me a whore because I said I love you to all of my boyfriends. Yet, she fucks 13 people including a married man and she is a goddess?

February was okay.. I was getting used to being alone and then KJ took me back out of jealousy of Chris and Matt... Tells me I can't tell him I love him anymore. Yeah.. slow. Turtle slow..

March is not to great. KJ starts talking to Laura. The only good thing to come of that is nothing. I get pissed when he starts talking about talking with her.. She doesn't need to know about my fucking life which is what he will talk about with her.. But the only good thing to come of it is the fact that she bitches about Ronald telling her no. Laura, if you ever find this, just know RONALD NEVER TOLD ME NO! HAHAHA! I bet he misses my sex. I gave him everything. I gave him everything, even if I didn't really want to, Why? Because I really fucking loved him. I made sacrifices like you do for people when you love them. And that isn't a big sacrifice. Oh well. Whatever. He misses me. Tells you no. lol@u

Cole came over today and flaunted Caitlyn's new ring..It was a beautiful ring. Apparently they are getting married. Wow. Deja Vu? Wait.. wait... So.. Rosemary and I's ex boyfriends leave us the same year after a 3 year relationship for Ronald and I an a 2 year relationship for Rosemary and Cole... and then go on to get engaged the people they start dating AFTER us? In less than half a year of being with those people after us..? And they dated us for 2-3 years...? Claimed they loved us and wanted to marry us eventually... Yeah.. Guys are full of shit.

Rosemary and I are even more of best friends now than ever.. Cause it's kind of fucked up that it is happening to both of us.. We both warned the other about the others' boyfriend.. We didn't listen... I'm being dumb not listening to her about KJ.. I know it's gonna hurt when shit goes down again with him.. But I am just being dumb and not listening because I don't want to be alone.. But you know... Being alone now would be a lot less painful than KJ finding some girl a year from now and THEN breaking it off with me. But oh well, My stupidity.. not hers..

I love you hippie.. BEST FRIENDS MEANS! BEST FRIENDS MEANS!

2006-09-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

*sighs* SO!

A lot has happened this the last update. Met a few friends. Rekindled with old ones. Lost some of the new ones, but who needs them? n00bs. Just hanging out with some friens almost everyday so.. I'm happy to say the least.

My relationship.. Wow. I love the boy to death. I really do. He just doesn't seem to get how to make me happy though. Stopped having sex for a long ass time cause of issues with trust. I cheated and he didn't trust me. I didn't want to have sex with him until he did. So yeah. o_O; We had sex and it was AWWESOME! Loved it.

Then yesterday.. Found a shitload of porn on his computer. And in this nasty folder laid our stuff as well. What message that gave me was, "I'm just a piece of trash, like all these sluts, to him in his mind." Wow. I feel so fucked up right now that I don't know what to think about it anymore. I picture him and I having sex and it just turns into those nasty ass porn videos I looked 5 seconds into and I just feel disgusted.

It makes me feel so wonderful to know that he doesn't love me anymore. Enough to go back on his promise he made to me before we even started dating. That is what set him apart from all the other guys.. That he wouldn't look at it. He promised before we even dated. Now he is just like every other guy I've dated. Some asshole who doesn't give a shit about me. Well at least he isn't saying otherwise. He isn't going to even try to save himself or this relationship.. It's so awesome. No explanation on his part. Just immediately start sleeping on the couch. Which is good because right now, I don't want to even TOUCH him.. *sighs*

So I sort of plotted that I may stay with Daddy for 2 weeks.. Because.. I just need to get away from Ronald right now. Maybe he will realize how bad(or maybe good in his mind) it is that I would be gone. But somehow, I just don't think he would care. He would love it if I left. Because then it would be quiet and peaceful and he could watch his fucking porn all day long. But then I'm afraid that if I stay away for 2 weeks, I'd be scared to come back. That I would be too comfortable being alone and not near him that it would be nerve wrecking coming back home. Just like it was sort of nerve wrecking having sex after not having sex for 3 months. Dilemma.

And Rosemary would probably HATE being alone in the house with him.. Since she doesn't really like him that much. But then again, they would just stay away from each other sitting on their computers in their seperate rooms. Not really talk.. Probably have KJ and Nathanael over to keep her company.. ~_~ *sighs*

All of this.. Just because of fucking porn. Talk about being a drama queen. But did I ever tell you.. How much I think Porn is degrading and disgusting and filthy and just plain sick? Yeah. I know. It's JUST PORN right? Not to me. Sorry. My opinion. And when I am told that he agrees with how I think and that he would stop watching it and goes on TO watch it, saving it on his computer 3 fucking times... Wow. Fucking pisses me off and stabs me in the heart over and over.

It only means his feeling for me is faded and now practically gone because he wants to think what he thinks that I think about him is absolutely correct. Because somehow he magically thinks for me and doesn't fucking talk to me about JACK SHIT and fucking assumes how I feel. "all you women are the same." So I'm a piece of trash just like your fucking slutty porn girls right? Fuck you.. Just fuck you. I'm out.

2005-12-28T00:46:00.000-08:00

Moved into an apartment in Springfield. Yay! Ronald and I are at our better ties of the relationship. Sorta. Better than before. O_o; Not much arguing about stupid slutty whores that tried to take over last year.. and no talking of another whore he seems to crush on. I keep that to myself and express myself in Sims 2.. I plan on letting the two starve to death.. >>; I think it will be funny. XD Man I'm cruel. :) Oh well.

So we're in Springfield now and Rosemary is gonna move over here and shits. My computer owns cause I can watch TV on it.. >>! But lately I've been using our T1 connection to download animes.. ^_^ But yeah. Not much has been happening. Slowly setting the place up.. and getting everything put away. Slowly but surely. Oh well. That is all that has happened.. o_o;

2005-05-29T02:37:00.000-07:00

I hate her..

That is all.

2005-05-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't been on here in forever.. o_o; Too many bad memories on this thing, that's why. :)

Well, here comes another. I guess this is my "Lets vent all bad stuff onto it." O.o;

Work sucks. As always. Ronald is started his talking to other girls crap. No cheating(To my knowledge). As usual, when he does this, he completely ignores me, every comment I make he snaps back at me and defends his "new love" if you will. And yeah.. Talks to her every waking moment of the day while sitting right next to his gf. Everything I talk about in anything he barks at me. I can be talking about gossip like today. Brad pitt dumping Jennifer because he wanted family. They both wanted kids... Why the hell would you dump someone if they want the same thing as you? That is bullshit. That can't be the reason you dumped Jennifer. I tell him this and he goes, "All you see is black and white sabrina. You never see anything in between. No one is the same Sabrina."

Now, I know that since we're siting right next to each other doing what we happily do.. Sitting on teh computer all day.. O.o;, We could at least talk right? Wrong. I'm sitting here bored out of my mind trying to find something to do besides polls on Gaia, while he is laughing his ass off talking to his new friend. None of my friends are ever on or they NEVER TALK ROSEMARY! :P Does he try to talk to me? Rarely.. Why should I try to talk if I will just ruin his fun? everytime I open my mouth he barks.

Now his name on MSN is "Why do you ignore me? Why do you show no interest?" I ask him who it is to. Well obviously me because, I haven't talked with him in a day or too. He just assumes I hate him and crap. When he hasn't asked my feelings on him barking at me or him not trying to talk with me either. Talking to this other girl all fucking day. Telling me if he doesn't find a job he will move up there, "Because it's not healthy for him here." Because they keep telling him it's not healthy for him here.. I've put up with it all my life.

But is that really the reason? Are you sure you don't want to move there to be with someone you like better? I'm sorry to seem so jaded but... I'm wary now. Very eyes open when you are with girls. No more blind shit saying, "He won't cheat on me." Why would I say that if you've done it once. Remember Ronald, "Just cause you're married/in a relationship doesn't stop you from liking another person and going after them." I'm escpecially wary when you call ME Erica. You should know the difference. But you don't because you talk with her ALL DAMN DAY and don't even say a word to me.. When I try to start something you bark about how I'm forcing my shit on them, or looking in black and white.

I bet it feels good having someone to talk to. I don't want to ruin it for you. It is probably better than talking with someone who constantly bitches all the time and shoves her depressive crap on you. At least you have someone to bitch to. I guess I just have to make new friends. But oh well. I guess this is supposedly how you felt last year when I was supposedly ignoring you because Rosemary was here.. But it seems so familiar.. Because you're ignoring me.. But this time you're not talking with Amanda. It's Erica.

2005-01-14T23:00:00.000-08:00

Whoa.. o_o; LJ is having major problems... hmm.. Oh well..

I tried to use the restore points on my computer with XP.... the internet stopped working. And...the processes I was trying to get rid of, well.. they were still there so I decided to undo the restore. ~_~ Damn thing... Oh well.. All is good now. Bleh.. o_o; I'm bored... I have a stuffy nose... xx; It's like... it's so stuffy, I can't sniffle so it's runny at the same time. ~_~ *kicks nose and bleeds* T_T; Oh well.. I'll get better.

Rosemary is talking about coming back to stay with us for awhile.. She has to take her CNA class again cause she didn't do it before she left.. ~_~; Otherwise, she would be able to just start working again. o_o; But oh well.. she will have to sleep in the trailer... Put a heater out there for her for the night.. ~_~; And then she'll have to like... go to school and get her CNA this time.. :P Oh well.. x.x That's future planning.

Ronald is registering and he might go to South Lane Academy to finish HS. He only needs 2 credits and yeah... Hopefully all his credits transfer so he can just take his 2 classes. :) He is also looking for a job. :) Hopefully he can find one T_T. Hopefully I can find one too.. I have bills to pay. ~_~; But yeah. Hopefully all of this goes well.. x.x; I can do stuffs and go to school Spring term.. Yes yes.. Retake all the classes I failed.. ~~; But it's all good. Then I can have the schedule I had at CCC. XD Weekends. :) Unless I can take some days too.. That would be nice. :) hehe yeah.. oh well.. back to Gaia now..

2004-12-29T16:07:00.000-08:00

Well, since I missed some things in the last post I made that I remembered at work the past two days, I shall put them here.

For all races that come into work..:

When you put your junk on the belt and the belt is moving, I know when to stop scanning. Most likely because I've already got the money from the person before you in my hand and the REGISTER IS OPEN! :) You holding your shit back while the belt is moving is like watching someone trying to not be blown away in wind that is not blowing. :) It looks stupid and you are stupid for doing it. XD Especially when you see that my register is open. And when you could just simply put the damn divider before your crap.. I mean.. that isn't hard.

Customer= *holds stuff back while belt is moving and grunts* Can you turn this thing off!?
Me= *looks at them annoyed and like they are retarded considering that I have money in my hand from the person before and that all their shit is already bagged..* o_O
Customer= *keeps holding the shit back like I'm actually going to scan it*
Me= *looks at the divider they could be using and laughs handing the customer before them their change. Throws divider to the next customer who is next and holding their shit back..*
Customer= *is stupid enough to actually USE the divider when they are NEXT*
Me= *thinks they might really be retarded....*

Yeah people are stupid.. And again.. mostly this is Asians that do this.. Damn Asians.. o_O;

Also, another thing that people do that annoys me, is give me change while I already have over half their change ready to go. Like the other day, I had some guy come through my line and he gave me the right fucking amount after I gave him his change of $.56 and yeah.. I was supposed to give him a dollar but I didn't. I figured out I was supposed to after he left. No wonder he kept looking at his change weird. Like, "why did she only give me $.03?" Probably because you fucked up my concentration as I had already had your shit out... Dumbass. So.. the rest of the day, I didn't take any extra change if they decided to jump up to give it to me AFTER they gave me their money. Dumbasses.

I also don't like when MARRIED couples decide to seperate the food, not divide it, and then after I start scanning more shit, they say, "NO NO THAT'S SEPERATE!" I already have 5 items scanned.. you're married... why can't you just split it? Besides... why are you splitting it anyways..? You're MARRIED for godsake.

I also just hate when stupid customers come in, I have 2 dividers wanting to be in use, and their fucking lazy asses don't put it down. It always ends up someone puts their shit right next to theirs and I end up scanning someone else's shit and the first person bitches. "That's not mine! OMFG THAT'S NOT MINE!!!!!!!!1111111111111eleventy!!!" Well first off, dick, you know that blue stick right there at the side? Yeah... that's for YOU to use. Yeah. So... maybe when you're done putting your shit on the belt, you shouldn't worry about how your shit is getting bagged and worry first about if I'm gonna over charge your ass cause the next idiot is putting shit right next to yours. Dumbass. Then they bitch and bitch, and they keep bitching. White, black, and Spanish people bitch non stop, even after I got the shit out. Asian people are smart and just say, "that one isn't mine." They don't go into a frenzy, "OMFG I DIDN"T BUY THAT ONE!!!!!!eleventy!!!!!!!!!!!OMFG TAKE IT OUT OMGOMGOMGROASUROSLHKGAWD!!!!!!!!! TAKE THAT OFF NOW NOW NOW!" Okay.. Why don't you fucking wait till a front end gets here. They bitch even while the god damn frontend is there. Pushing shit to the scanner almost about to scan it AGAIN.. "TAKE IT OUT OMFG!!!11111!!!!" ...STFU!!! YOU DUMB SHIT!... o_O;

Another thing I hate... Spanish and White people do this too fucking much. See... they want to get out as fast as they can... so what do they do? HELP you push shit through the scanner! Yeah.. that's right! They push 3 or 4 things to if not into the scanner, just so you can scan it. Well.. see.. now this is what I am going to do, if they are fucking stupid enough to do that, if it ever scans 2 times and they aren't looking, I won't take it out. It's their damn fault for pushing shit into the scanner. I mean... Wtf are you thinking? I will get to it. Stop throwing fucking meat and rice onto the scanner. What? Am I somehow going to miss a bloddy thing of meat on the belt and now scan it? Is you shoving shit onto the scanner just so I push it away really making the process faster? Next person that does it and keeps doing it, I'm going to say, "Do you really want your shit scanned twice? Cause that is what you're gonna fucking do with you pushing shit to thru the damn scanner." Maybe they will stop. But then again they are so thick skulled I doubt it.

In conclusion to this post..

When you go to a store and you're in line to be rung up, USE THE DIVIDER! Also... you won't get out faster if a cashier has to void shit out cause you decided to push shit through the scanner. :)

What else.. Well, after I made the post the other day, I made more observation and found that what I said is true about the white people coming to normal lines with EL items and Asians follow suit. I laughed.. Ronald and I both laughed. I laughed everytime an Asian came up because they were just proving my point. XD

2004-12-26T02:00:00.000-08:00

[EDIT]Yay! It's snowing outside right now! *points*!
Bah, so much to type... o_o;

Well, Halloween was fun I guess... o_O; Gaia had some cool things going, which is where I spent most of my Halloween days. :) Getting Halloween stuff for people. Thanksgiving was okay. Spanish people secluding me because I'm white and going out with their nephew is always fun. :) Food was better. Unlike the years before, I was uncomfortable at this table and only ate 1 plate of food out of my usual 2. Yeah... That's pretty ok. >_>;

Well, Yesterday was Christmas. Didn't get anything for anyone but Ronald and I. Cause... my job sucks and I was poor. :) I got stuff for Danielle and her baby and that's about it. I got myself 3 pairs of pants, a beanie, straylight run and a Utada Hikaru cd from Virgin records store, a Chinese imported dragon statue, and expensive perfume. I got Ronald one more month on Lineage and today I got him some Headphones. He bought himself Half life 2.

Yesterday was great even though we were walking in the freezing cold and didn't exactly go to Central Park.. But Times Square is just as awesome. :) Walking with Ronald through the city is nice. Went to Subway, walked, he got a shirt from CK store and where we found the baby clothes for Danielle. Went to Times square, went to Virgin Records, looked around, bought stuff, then walked around some more and went to Starbucks and got Chai. Walked around some more and went home. It was so nice. :) I guess we'll have to go back to CP later..

Now.. Work. Work sucks nuts and I advise everyone who reads this to NEVER be a cashier no matter what. If you absolutely need it, like I do.. to pay a damn bill..*coughs* Cell*coughs* That isn't even worth it, then I guess you have to deal with it. Maybe in other states/cities/ whatever it's not near as bad as it is hear in NY. People are fucking retarded and rude. This month, actually everyday I have worked this job, has been hell. :)

Now, lets start the discrimination. And I don't care because this is my blog, free country, I say what I want and I confirm this through observation. :) If you don't wants to read it, don't. It's just a observational rant from POV as a cashier. :)

Asians: If you guys are so smart in technology and shit... why aren't you smart in the lines at a supermarket? You know.. more of you come and wait behind 3 people in front of you with carts full of shit, crap loads of Voids because they don't want a $2 item out of $100+ items that they already have because it was priced wrong, and yet... you have 3 items in your hand and OMFG!! The expressline is EMPTY! Why don't you see that? It's right fucking there... No one ever goes to it for god knows why... and you're standing there like a retard with 2-3 items in your hand staring at the expressline. Another stupid thing that ticks me off that you smart asians do, is start a whole flock of Expressline people to come through the normal lines. Is this your logic?

Expressline= Empty as always
Normal line for people with big ass shopping carts full of crap= empty for once..
OMG I NEED TO GO THE NORMAL LINE! Then 5-10 more Asians with 5 or less items comes waltzing up. I would love to yell, there is fucking EXPRESSLINE OVER THERE THAT IS EMPTY YOU GOD DAMN ASIANS! But I can't. :) It's like you flock up to the normal lines when they are open, which is rare now a days, instead of going to the Express line. And if they are waiting behind a person with a big shopping cart and you tell them there is an Expressline that is OPEN WITH NO ONE THERE, they say," Oh I'm next in line here though." It's like.. Why are you so dumb.. I just said you would be rung up in 2 minutes over there done and out because you would be the ONLY ONE THERE! Dumbass..

Another thing is, you come into my line after someone, you stare into my till. I have no $20's, $10's or anything cause I just had a pick up. You buy $10 worth of shit and pay with a $100 bill. Ass. Second thing is, you expect me to get change for quickly and hurry on your way. Well, for one thing... if you wanted to get out in a HURRY you should've gone through the EXPRESSLINE! Wow what a concept. Second off, you shouldn't have even paid with a $100 bill knowing I had no change since you were intently staring into my till. Dick. You constantly bitch about how you want to get out of the store. Sorry, I need change for a $100 cause you're sorry ass is dumb. :) Have a nice day.

Asians aren't as smart as they are made out to be hmm?

Now for...

Black people: First off, most of you bitch like nothing else and you complain and blah blah. You get attitudes over nothing. Especially if you looked at an EXPIRED sign(Which has the date right underneath the bright, flashing price of $2.99 a box) and thought that was the price. You have the most voids because of this. You're above the Spanish people on this one. Maybe you should learn to read signs more carefully. If you have over $100+ worth of shit that your buying anyways, what does it matter that the damn thing is $1 over the normal price? You're so damn picky. You're paying with Credit/debit anyways. If not foodstamps.. or cash. Even if it is .50 over. "Nuh uh I ain't paying that price for that! It was $200! Not $2.50!" Picky bastard.. ~_~ You don't want to wait to get it voided out yet, I already scanned it and you want it off. Sorry, too bad for you that you're picky and want it out.

Now.. not to seclude people because Asians, blacks, whites, and spanish people all have foodstamp cards, but if you don't have enough money on the damn thing, please. Tell me before I ring up $150 worth of shit and you only have $30 your card and $30 on your person. My god.. That means, we get to void the whole thing, unbag everything, and scan what you want. :) Or altogether cancel it. Warn people... Keep your lasty receipt so you know how much you have on it.. God damn.

Black people... calm down... it's only a few cents. Read the signs...please.

Now for..

Spanish people: Well, these people are great. They come into stores most of the time not knowing English. Thank god I have a spanish bagger that somewhat speaks English, otherwise there would be problems. :) It's hard to communicate with someone who doesn't speak your language in your country.. but the fact that they void out lots of stuff because they try to warn me of how much they have on their card, in Spanish, doesn't help. :)

The ones that do speak English, act just like the black people if something isn't on sale like the sign said. "TAKE IT OFF OMFG!!!!11111111oneoneeleventy!!!!" But... unlike black people(even though some do this too).. they will leave the register just to go get the sign that said it, only to have the frontend manager point to them the Expiration date, which in turn, we have to void out the whole thing or such and such cents to satisfy them. Also.. stop asking "Isn't that on sale for $blah amount of money?" Well.. yeah, it's in the paper.. dumbass. "Then why did it ring up for$blah amount of money?" Umm.. you shop here ALL THE TIME.. you haven't learned that it comes out in the END have you? :) Stop worrying... if it's in the damn paper, it's coming out. Ok? Unless you grabbed fat free or with calcium and vit. C, or some shit that wasn't in the paper, then no it won't come out.

Another thing is, they bring the whole damn family with them. Grandma, grandpa, mami, papi, kids, cousins. God damn. You all live in once house? And you're only buying $50 worth of food? You're shitting me right? The kids are yelling and screaming, the people are speaking Spanish, usually one teenager is there to translate if they want to take something off and tell the person paying how much it is. Damn. Must be annoying to go shopping with them huh? I feel your pain. And then, sometimes.. they buy a lot of stuff, and everyone gives money to the person paying because they barely have enough. Just by a $1 they have enough. All of them. But you have to wait for them to converse with each other on telling them how much it is, how much they have already, how much they need, yada yada. Bleh. @_@ Seriously... you guys should live in seperate houses.

Spanish people... you guys should really seperate from each other. Honestly. It's not like you'll never see each other again. o_O Get your own houses.. and buy your own food.. Then you'll have enough money. :D Also... ALWAYS bring someone to translate for you, or learn to speak English. :) This is America not Spamerica. or Meximerica. Depending on where you're from. :)

Now for..

My own kind( aka White people): Okay... guys.. I know you think you rule everything, but... I'm white, I'm working as a cashier. Doesn't mean you hit on me every chance you get. K? It's disgusting and also, my SPANISH boyfriend is right at register 7. :) Now.. what gets me about these people is that, they always ask what the Spanish people ask. "Isn't that $$?" Even Asians do this.. Everyone does it. And they almost always have come in here before. But they start going into a frenzy on taking it off before I get the chance to say, "It comes off in the end.." Then they go "Oh." Next item that was in the paper on sale, it starts all over again. Now.. what did I just say about the item before? "It comes off in the end" Good cracker... now shut up. They also do this while not having gotten everything out of the cart. They will be worried about these items and then they will grab a few more and worry about those. You're white people for godsake! You have money somehow or another up your ass, (so other races think.. ~_~) So stop worrying!

Also... white people tend to get really pissy if shit isn't bagged a certain way. They also don't pay attention to which cards work or not. "You're card isn't working sir" Ok *Grabs another card* "Not working..." Ok.. *Grabs another card* "Okay that did it." And just like Asians.. they come through the damn normal lines with 5 or less items while the expressline is open. But unlike Asians, if you tell them there is an expressline open, they will actually go to it. And also, if they do come to my line, a whole flock of white people don't follow suit after them with 5 or less items. Why? Because it's usually Asians that follow them in with 5 or less items.. Damn Asians. But if you tell a white person to to the Expressline and an Expressline Asian is behind them, the Asian will half the time follow them. But some of them just stay there like idiots.. even though no one is in the Expressline.. Still. But anyways.

The old white people.. are just like the Spanish people. When something isn't the "right" price, they want it out. They will bitch and complain even while they are paying you after you got it out, how it was priced wrong and all that crap. I don't care how much it was priced.. maybe you should just shut up about it since I took it out. Now white people.. and Spanish people both come back for the most Refunds. Probably because they are the ones who mostly come to the store. But because they can't read because they don't want to read the whole sign. They also can't tell when something came out. Even though it's in bold. Whatever came out, is in BOLD people. Yes... so... when I scan you're rice at $6.59 at the beginning of the ticket.. you will notice at the end, it says -300 for the sale price. Dip.. Pay attention people! cause that will make you look like a stupid person for wanting a refund because it didn't take it off because you didn't look at the bottom. Note: earlier I told you it would come out IN THE END! You damn cracker.. pay attention. Get the salt out of your ears.

So in conclusion..

Working the Expressline is SO Boring... no one comes over there because they are dumb. You only get 1 pickup that day because you haven't made enough money to get more than one because stupid Asians and White people, and anyone else with 10 or less items, doesn't come through your line...because they are all stupid and never see the light of the expressline. Even during the holidays, no one went through the expressline. We opened line 11 for once, which is right next to the expressline, peope for the expressline, went to line fucking 11 while the expressline was empty.. as always. But the Cashier for expressline, said, "Hey, I'm open!" and rung those people up. :) Thank god.

If you have 10, 15, or 20 items or less.... LOOK FOR A FUCKING EXPRESSLINE YOU DAMN MORONS!!!!!!! .....

Thank you.

So that is my rant for the past month or so that I haven't updated. XD I've already Ranted this to Rosemary over the phone. Early warning for her next job. :) Just to prepare her. She will be like me everyday after work.. Angry and wanting to hit people. XD

So I am coming home on the 5th. I am pleased to announce, that if you want to come over,(like anyone will now..) come the week after.. Cause from what I hear.. I have LOTS of cleaning to do. :) Cause Gina, Summer, Ricky, and Jason are all pigs and never clean anything. I have to buy a new futon because SOMEONE named ROSEMARY.... did stuff on MY bed.. :P Puking, Peeing... Sexing up Will.. :P All done on my NEW futon.. Yes Nathanael and Jeff, when you came over that one time, it was untainted of anything. :P But now... It is tainted.. lol And I'm giving it to fagboy.. LMAO. XD Who doesn't know.. XD And will have his first new bed in forever. Because.. we have had his bed for like 22 years now. XD So he should be happy. I will also have to wash my sheets with Gain and Clorox 2 to make sure NOTHING!!!!! Is left on it.. :P But yeah..

Anyways... off to shower now and get ready for... work....

2004-10-18T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have a head cold.. Stuffy nose... soar throat.. Getting dizzy.. T_T This sucks really bad. Work sucks even more. I hate standing in one place... that and I have to remember all these codes and it's like OMFG... Why can't you have a bar code for EVERYTHING!? Or at least stickers on all the fruits and veggies so I can just look and see what it is instead of have to remember.. And some shit I don't even know what it is... x.x; So I'd have to ask the customers... and they'd be like o.O; I can tell I'm going to be really slow.. T_T I'm gonna be sad..

The Paragraph you are about to read is a medical explanation adn contains some nasty things you shouldn't know about your friends area.. lol But yeah.. If you don't want to read it... please skip it. It will be one big paragraph so you can skip easier. :D Thnx.

I'm kind of worried right now... because I had my period on the 28th of last month till the 5th this month... then around last Monday... I get this blood coming out like I'm about to start my period AGAIN.. I was like hoshit.. It lasted two days.. Everytime I went to the bathroom some blood comes out. It stopped for about 4 days then a little more came out. Now... there are some things that can cause this and the number one thing it is usually associated with is Pregnancy. I mean sometimes a lil drop of blood would come out like once a year due to a pimple or something. Yeah they occur down there for me like once a year and it's disgusting! :P But this is like.. almost period like blood. And it usually occurs with Pregnancy. Or it occurs with virus', having Yeast infections, or the like. T_T I haven't had a yeast infection.. So I'm kind of scared.. What the hell can it be? Am I preggers? I hope not.. Daddy would have a hissy fit.. I would have a hissy fit... Ronald would have a hissy fit. o.o; Everyone would have a hissy fit.. o.o; And yeah... I have other things to do before having a babeh...

So that is my troubles. But oh well. I have a runny nose... and sniffling isn't helping it go away *cries* Omg.... it's runny!!!!!!!!!!!! *stuff tissue up there* X.x Damn nose... Oh well.. bye bye

2004-10-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

I might have a job with Ronald at Western Beef. Yes money.. Even though it's little.. still money.. *looks at phone* T_T

I get to work out everyday. :D Walking to work. So.. I'll have a nice butt? O.o; But yeah. Cashiering.. hopefully I won't get confused and stuff. Like with the change. But the thingy tells you how much change they get back so.. It shouldn't be too hard. T_T;; oi oi ..

Oh well. Things have been really slow lately.. I've been sleeping more cause there is nothing else to do around here. But now I might have a job and stuff so I can work and make money for my phone bill... God... Something to do finally.

Oh well.. I have thought recently. I haven't been watching any anime. Lately I haven't been wanting too. I deleted the downloaded anime I had downloaded here.. and Yeah.. I don't want to download them again. And I don't really want to watch anymore. Not right now anyways. I'm wondering... is anime becoming something I don't want to watch anymore? Something I'm not really interested in anymore? I mean.. I don't know of any anime that I want to watch. Besides the end of Pretear.. Galaxy Angel and that's it. Manga.. I need to finish Peach Girl.. 2 more books left people.. and Crescent Moon. *sighs* I feel uninterested in it now.. wtf is wrong with me? The anime queen.. The obsessive one.. Maybe it's because I haven't been to a Suncoast in a long ass time... lol I don't want to waste Ronald's bandwidth on it anymore.. and the ones I want 2x2 shinobuden and hani hani operation sanctuary weren't downloading on Lobster. So yeah.. Just decided too... leave em alone.

Oh well. That's all that is up with me.

2004-08-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

Well, not much has happened. Ronald and I haven't argued for like.. a week now? We're happy. We talked over issues.. punched them out of each other and we are fine. So I am happy. ^^ I have been happy all week. So yeah.. :) Happy happy!

It was so sweet yesterday, Him and I were snuggling and he was kissing me all sweet and romantic like and looking into my eyes and out of nowhere he said,"I really do love you Sabrina.." I was like.. omg... T_T I wanted to cry but I didn't. I love when he does things like that.. It makes me feel important. I feel bad because I can't make him feel important like that because I always say "I love you" all the time.. *sighs*.. x.x Must find something to make him feel important! *smiles* But it was so sweet yesterday... and I am so happy he said that to me.. It's rare we have those kinds of deep moments.. And when they happen, it's almost like time stops for us and we're just wrapped up in the moment and it's so intense... Nothing really can describe it. It's just the sweetest feeling on earth and I have never felt that way before. No one has ever made me feel this way, like time is stopping and I'm feeling a glimpse of heaven. Of what true happiness is. God... I feel like crying now because I am so happy...

*Smacks self to remain sane..* O_O So yeah.. That is how I've been feeling. Sometimes I get a lil bored cause there is nothing to do... but it's okay. :) hmm... o_o Well Ronald is getting a job at a store hopefully, courteousy of his John Leguizamo looking dad. lol I wanted to tell his dad the other day that he was about to have a fan club cause Katie thought he was J.L. XD It was funny and great but I didn't say anything. :) Speaking of his dad, we went to his house, obviously, and watched Hellboy. HIs dad actually let me have Red wine! O_O I was like dude.. o.o; But yeah , red wine... isn't that good. It's like... really strong in the alcohol department. But oh well, still cool. :)

Hmm.. since I haven't posted my weeks here.. and mostly in my journal.. Well.. a week and a half ago, I went with Sebastian and The asian dude to the city. Shopped, wandered around, etc. Wasted money... x.x *sighs*

Then, yeah.. Cat and I went on a "date" by walking around to the park, sitting and eating ice cream and watching the kids play dodgeball. ^^ It was sweet. ^^ He agreed to visit my grandma with me, dunno when that is going to happen though.. x.x Hopefully soon.. x.x I wanna visit mah Granneh! :D She is coooool. My nanny too and Aunt Connie. So yeah. Sometime soon we plan on doing that... x.x

Cat has been playing Lineage a lot and I have been going on gaia and doing polls. I finally got my Mp3 player for my character. ^_^ She kicks ass now! hehe. He is having fun and awaiting AVP to come out to theaters.. I suspect we're going to see that.. first or second day... o_O; He loves that movie that he watches the trailers everyday cause he is cwazeh. ^^ But yeah...

Anyways.. My tummy hurts.. and I have no more 74/\/\|>0/\/$ left so I am stuck with pads.. Oh well... I have to deal. Can't buy any because I have limited amount of money.. I just hope Annette and his mom dun care that I'm using their long skinneh pads because My lil ones won't make the cut. :) They have 4 bags of them.. so it should matter if I use a few right? Oh well.. T_T Mesa gonna go now.. bye bye!

2004-06-15T04:34:00.000-07:00

Wow... what a long fucking weekend.. o_O;

First off.. On Saturday, Ronald and I made up. Then Sunday he said we were just friends, and I was like.. I thought we started over.. *points to post below* And he said no, just friends. And I was like.. x.X Yesterday, we had an argument about one of my co-workers, Gabe. I said I was going to go to Michelle's and get drunk and get into an accident and stuff. And he said stop that. And I said Oh yeah Gabe is going to be there because I wanted him to know who was going to be there and stuffs. And he flips out saying "Go ahead fuck him! Go ahead! I don't care! Get drunk and fuck him! I bet he has a big cock for you too! Go pleasure yourself you deserve it!" And I was like... I don't cheat on people... That I want to be with and that I love and he said bullshit. So I went to work. I called him and we started talking and he said," we're not even friends anymore Sabrina, stop trying.." And I was like.. I want to be with you and I am trying to start over. If we aren't friends why are we talking?" He said to forget about him and I had to get back to work.. Well.. during dinner.. a shock happened that no one expected. Ms Mckee died. I was like holy shit... and felt really bad. I will explain that in a moment. I called Ronald really upset and he was like "Whats wrong Sabrina? Tell me please what's wrong?" very concerned and I said just come online tonight... please... just please come on.. But I called him around 830 soo yeah. o.o;

Now... I was upset because.. well.. on Sunday, I wasn't so nice to Ms Mckee. I was upset at things that were happening in my life and I was like in a "if you say or do anything to me today, I will hurt you" mood. So.. Ms Mckee being annoying as she was, got on my last nerve, Nova and I threw her in bed at 700. Everytime she wanted to get up to use the bathroom, I put a bedpan under her instead. I wasn't in the mood to pick her ass up and put her on the commode. She complained and I just said, "GO!" and she had already wet her brief and whatnot. So I changed her twice. She got on my nerves..I had really wished she would die. I mean I meant it out of anger and yeah..

Well.. today during dinner, she just up and died. I was in a different room feeding people and I go out in the hall to see if Michelle was coming back to feed grandma and she goes "Ms Mckee is *slides hand over throat horizontally* I was like WHAT!? *drags Michelle to her room and looks at Ms Mckee's face that is blue with her eyes open* I was like...omfg.... I felt horrible...

I feel like I shouldn't be in this profession if I am going to be the way I was on Sunday to people.. I felt really bad for Ms Mckee.. Because A lot of people didn't like her. Even her own daughter would act like that to her. But... more often. I felt like shit because I know she died feeling like no one cared. It is my job to make them feel comfortable and like someone is there. That IS my job.. and I didn't do it.. No one did. Because everyone would get annoyed with her but still.. Phil helped her today during bingo.. and she won bingo a few times today. *sighs* I feel like I shouldn't be a nurse because of this. I feel like I don't have what it really takes to really CARE about people.. if I did.. I wouldn't think that Ms Mckee died feeling that everyone hated her.. *sighs*..

I called Ronald and told him and cried. He said I am a special person and I need to become a nurse because I do have what it takes. It is something I have always wanted to do and I shouldn't give up just because I had one bad day and the person died. Everyone makes mistakes and I am a great person to be a nurse. I went on to say that if I had what it takes to make people feel good I wouldn't feel like I didn't help her and he said you made her as comfortable as you could. You did your job and that was all that mattered. I went on to say no one should die feeling like everyone hates them.. no matter who they are. He said not to worry about it. I went on to say that if I made everyone feel the best they could that I would be able to take care of things in my own life. As a nurse I should have no problem making people happy around me. See.. the qualities I have as a nurse are from my personality. You have to be happy, caring, empathetic, and someone who wants to help. I care about people, no matter who they are. Be it a little or with all of my heart. I can make anyone comfortable. My personality goes with my work. But I can't even make the one I love happy. I feel like I am failing at the only thing I could do. And when this happened tonight, I felt like everything was falling apart. I can't make myself, my boyfriend, or the people I take care of at work comfortable and happy. He said I shouldn't worry about him. But I do. Physically and emotionally. I got scared when he got sick when he was here last time.. and I took care of him. I stroked his hair gave him some juice and let him fall asleep while cuddling with him. He said he felt better after 5 hours of sleeping. I was so nervous he was going to get sick sick.. I would have stayed home if he got sick for a few days. But knowing I can't emotionally make him happy makes me fail. And I thought about that while I cried to him on the phone..

I am so happy that I have him as someone in my life. He listens... he makes me feel better. He does everything... and I can't do it for him.. I feel like he deserves a better friend. But I will try to be better for him. I listen to him and I feel what he feels.. I just don't know what to say like he does. He always makes me feel better. I wish I was a better person because of him. He makes me feel so much better when I am down like this... because he knows what to say. I really want to become a better person.. just for him. I want to change so badly. I have wanted to change in the beginning. Wanting to change my past and everything to be better for him.. but I can't do that because it already happened. I wanted to change so much.. and in some ways I have.. But I want to change more. And when I told him thank you for listening he said that is what friends were for. And I cried saying he said we weren't friends from what he said 2 hours ago and he said, I am trying..

Leo (one of the residents) says I made a good choice in giving him another chance. Tonight Donna said," Sabrina? Where is your head and your heart?" Cause I was spacing and upset and everything and I was looking at the snacks for tonight and asked where they were. lol And I looked at her and she said "They are in New York aren't they? I know how you feel. I have felt that way before. I am glad you guys are trying to work it out. You deserve to be happy and so does he. I want you to make it work cause I want to see you happy. I can tell you are really in love." And I looked down and was like.. " I wish I could make Ronald as happy as he makes me..."

Well.. tonight we went to Michelle's. Gabe was there and so was Tony. We talked about sex, typical at Michelle's lol, and yeah. When Michelle and Tony left, Gabe and I talked about our relationships. Well.. To be honest.. Gabe is a slut! lol He had fuck buddies.. o.O; Literally.. like.. he would call girl friends he had and ask if they would hang out get wasted fuck around a lil.. I was like.. omg.. o_o; Gabe you're slut. lol He goes It's all natural lol and I'm like.. I'm not that way... lol He has tried 125 sex positions.. in one night. ~_~ and that is disturbing.. but yeah. ANYWAYS! We talked about our relationships and he has been with his girl for 6 months now and he really has feelings for her. He hasn't had feelings for any girl but her. She is always like jealous of people calling him and him going places and his friends saying hey in the mall in stuff. I was like that sounds like me a lil bit with Ronald. lol And he goes it was hard telling his gf his past because of what he has done.. and yeah.. he wanted to be honest with her cause he really does love her. So I told him I did the same with my bf and he goes Girl you ain't done nothing compared to me! And I was like duh.. lol He said if he really loves you he will look past that. Love you for who you are and just think of now. The past is gone and it may be somewhat bad but he will get over it. I was like.. v.v and I told Gabe what Ronald said yesterday before work and he was like O_O!!!!! I dun want some Spanish NY guy coming after me! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! WHAT DID I DO!? Lol I was like I dunno lol. And he goes.. o_o; Please.. I didn't do anything and I was like well... Ronald is as tall as you... and skinnier. lol And he goes o_o; Still.. I'm just some Mexican.. leave me out of this! lol It was funny. But me and Gabe just talked about that and yeah. It was the first time we actually talked out of work. More than Hi how are you? Fine You? Good. So yeah. lol Then we all watched FY when Michelle got back and yeah left at 3. And NO RONALD I only had 1 beer so I wasn't drunk. lol No cheating either. I also made Michelle listen to LP. She doesn't "prefer" them. lol I was like How can you like 50cent and NOT like LP.. ~_~ So yeah. Tortured Michelle. :) Oh well..

Maybe I will talk with Ronald today. I hope so. Goodnite guys ^^ *pets* bye!!

2004-06-13T00:18:00.000-07:00

Well... Ronald and I are starting over. I keep having issues on what he has just done. He went out with a girl and kept telling me he would never cheat on me. But he did. I keep having issues with it because he wants to keep talking to her. I hate her. She has his attention more than I do.. And I feel like he could slide to her again anytime. I am depressed and I have not eaten really. Tonight when I did eat, I felt nauseous and like everything I had eaten was just going to come back up.

I keep driving myself into the depths of hell in my mind because I hate that girl. He wants to stay friends with her. I can see she was manipulating him because her relationship didn't work. She wants to ruin someone elses. To take the boy and feel like she has conquered and that she still has the game. But he still wants to be her friend. Because she is talking to him and I am not. But I am now, he knows I feel this way.

I feel like shit because I feel I will fuck up when he comes to visit. He is still debating on if he is coming.. I really want him to come. I feel like when I see him I will burst into tears because everything is so fucked up. He thinks its beyond repair.. but we are trying again. I should be happy that we are trying again. But that girl is in the way. Now I know what it feels like when says he doesn't like my past. But his past is our present. It was just yesterday that I found out. He was with her for at least 2 weeks and he started it with her. I guess I deserved it because I wasn't paying attention to him. But now I have little trust on his cheating issue with me. Everything else is trustworthy. But him hanging out with her isn't.. She is a lying little slut and she will try to take him no matter what she says.

I feel like my emotions are one sided in this starting over. Because when I told Ronald he could try to talk with her, thinking he wouldn't get into his account. Stupid me, he is a genius at computers...

He said: "Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
i ruined that for you
MSN isnt working right says:
ill fix that

He will fix it... He really cares for her. That is why I have been feeling the way I have been. I was looking at my wrist entranced with seeing it cut and slashed in the shower tonight as that sentence flashed through my head.

Along with this..:
MSN isnt working right says:
stop trying sabrina, accept that we've fucked up beyond repair
MSN isnt working right says:
everything about our relationship is fucked up sabrina
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
i just want to be with you please give me another chance
MSN isnt working right says:
YOU DONT NEED ANOTHER CHANCE, I DO

Those words echoed through my head tonight. And these words helped ease them a little bit..
Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
why are we talking like we have made up...?
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
do you want to start over again...
MSN isnt working right says:
i guess we partially habe..
MSN isnt working right says:
have*
MSN isnt working right says:
I want to sabrina
MSN isnt working right says:
I really do
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
me too ronald..
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
i really do.
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
and i don't care what you have done i know it was my fault
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
i want to start over again
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
and i want to see you in 2 1/2 weeks..
MSN isnt working right says:
i do too x.x

"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
omg...
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
*cries*...
MSN isnt working right says:
x.x
MSN isnt working right says:
what x.x
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
i'm so happy right now ronald...
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
i am so happy i want to cry...
MSN isnt working right says:
*holds close*
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
*holds back*
MSN isnt working right says:
im sorry...
MSN isnt working right says:
for saying everything
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
i love you so much and i am so sorry for what i have put you through
MSN isnt working right says:
you didnt do anything
MSN isnt working right says:
my fault
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
i was so happy that i was happy and i didn't realize it and i'm sorry..
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
and i'm sorry i snooped throuh your email..
"Nothing wrong with big girls, you can actually hold them ^_^. And I love my girl sailormoonchld" You mean skittles right? says:
and... changed your password on yahoo and made that girl believe i was you..
MSN isnt working right says:
ill stop talking to her
MSN isnt working right says:
so you wont have to worry

Then I was shattered when I read this.. What happened to the happiness of the conversation before..
MSN isnt working right says:
i was expecting you tell me you were using me for a while heh
MSN isnt working right says:
we dont deserve each other so we have to work on it..

Happiness again...
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
did you notice my name?
MSN isnt working right says:
back
MSN isnt working right says:
*kisses* yes sabrina
MSN isnt working right says:
yes
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
*kisses back*

More mixed things.
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
does she mean anything to you..?
MSN isnt working right says:
let me put it this way
MSN isnt working right says:
if I was going out with her and this happened, I wouldnt have cared nearly as much
MSN isnt working right says:
I always brought us up when I talked to her
MSN isnt working right says:
always told her that I still cared for you and didnt want ot hurt you

More happy...
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
and bought an outfits i thought i would never wear for you
MSN isnt working right says:
well you will...?
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
i will
MSN isnt working right says:
wait, whyd you buy em if you thought you never would..
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
because i thought maybe there was ahope
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
that maybe you would want to see them
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
and i was thinking of how happy it would make you..
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
and i was only thinking of you and what you liked..
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
but i honestly thought i wouldn't be able to wear them again
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
or at all
MSN isnt working right says:
well I hope you will
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
i will keep them
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
and wear them for you
Will you go out with me Ronald? says:
because i was happy when i bought them thinking of pleasing you
MSN isnt working right says:
x.x
MSN isnt working right says:
im sorry I made you hurt so bad x.x
MSN isnt working right says:
as long as you try to do what it takes to make me happy..
MSN isnt working right says:
and ill do the same for you

*sighs* I want to make him so happy.. but I have been talking about nothing but her for the past day.. *looks down* I bet I am kicking him to the ground. I don't want to do that.. I have done that enough to him in teh past year. I can't ruin this..This is our last chance.. But why did he want to fix it... *sighs* Why do I keep thinking about it... Maybe this is the torment he was going through about my past.. But mine is bad because he just did this behind my back.. *sighs* Maybe that is why. I should let it go. We're together now. I will just hope he will stop talking to her. Hope that will move on together.

I will talk with you today Ronald..

Now for some lyrics that I think about right now and us starting over. :)I bolded the lines I think are relevant to how I feel.

Trapt - New beginning

The pressure is building I want to break away
Motivation is lacking the point starts to fade
I look to my bottom still empty still the same
I'm waiting for something to show me the way
To the path that I should take
It's just too real to go ahead and fake
Every step that I make
Name your price I would give anything I would give anything
I want to start over again

What do I want I have nothing to say
Whatever it is I wanted today
Do we choose our own ground? Do we choose to stay?
Well I've seen too many throw it away
Do I see just one small chance
To be myself to try to make it last
Every step that I make
Name your price I would give anything I would give anything
I want to start over again
Name your price cause I don't feel so right
Am I the only one?
La da da da da da da da da
la da da da da da da da da
Why don't you show me why don't you show me

to the path that I should take
It's just too real to go ahead and fake
Every step that I make
Name your price I would give anything I would give anything
I want to start over again
Name your price cause I don't feel so right
Am I the only one?
La da da da da da da da da
La da da da da da da da da
La da da da da
La da da da da da da da da
La da da da da
Name your price cause I dont' feel so right
Am I the only one.....

At the only one part.. Yeah... I felt almost like I was the only one who wanted to start over at first.. At the path part I wanted you to give me show me a path to make it work. And it is just too real to fake. That means to me that our relationship is too real. Too real in love to even fake it at least for me. I have never faked it and it is really real. And remember I said I would do and give anything to keep you and to start over again.

Do I see just one small chance
To be myself to try to make it last
This line means a lot to me. Because I saw a chance to try and make it last.. when we were supposed to talk.. And we did eventually talk... but it took a lot of energy... to say what we said. And I wanted to make it last.

2004-05-15T02:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary Ronald! I love you so much and I'm happy we've been together 1 full year! ^^ I can't wait till 2 years have gone by. So much will have happened by then.. :) Wow.. I love you so much and have the happiest day EVER!

Aki and I made the piccies. Well.. I made the one above and she made it cooler. :) She made the top one. ^^ I loves it. :D I hope you like it too.. Yes.. I'm doing HTML... Freaky huh? o_O I guess I learned it from looking at the stuff my blog came from. lol Oh well. :) Meow. I love you again Ronald! byeeee